Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize