Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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