honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
