This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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