Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
