I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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