did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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