So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
