thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
