Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
