Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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