Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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