so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
