i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
