You just made me feel so damn special
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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