Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
