the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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