We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
