I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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