I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
