i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
