thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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