that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
