i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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