I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
