I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
