Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
