I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
