how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
