awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
