i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
