my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
