I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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