Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
