Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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