I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
