Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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