I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
