I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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