Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
