I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're my little dorito
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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