why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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