Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
