we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
