Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
