he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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