I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
