and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
