Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
