True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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