my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
