It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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