I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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