if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
