can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
