I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
