I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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