I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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