We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
