it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
