guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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