using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
