peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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