Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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