sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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