If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
