Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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