Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
