Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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