Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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