She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
