I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
