What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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