Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
