I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
