sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
