i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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