tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
