Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
