That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
