i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
