I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
