Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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