i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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