I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
