I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
