Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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