my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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