He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Randomize