I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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