did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
