And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you had me at cake vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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