So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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