I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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