Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
