This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
