Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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