her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
