I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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