need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
