I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
