I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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