it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
