Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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