I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
