Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
