During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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