You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it penis luge time yet?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
