I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
