Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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