Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
